Burnout

burnout [noun]: the condition of someone who has become very physically and emotionally tired after doing a difficult job for a long time.

For me, the definition says it all; I am burned out. I don't know when it happened, but it did and I don't think there is any turning back now.

There are times when I like to sit back and examine my life thus far, I try not to go back too far, maybe a few years or so. In doing this, I can see how things have (or in some instances, have not changed). When I was a freshman in college my approach to life changed. I was blessed to be able to go to college and I was blessed to have a support system at home that was rooting for me.

I remember how excited I was for my classes during that first semester that I even surprised myself. I remember taking a History of Jazz class and being one of two students who constantly answered every single question asked. The more classes I began to take, the less questions I answered.

Today, as a senior in college, I have yet to answer a question in any of my classes this semester. It's not that I don't know the answers, I answer the question in my head correctly no sooner than the professor asks it, I am just too tired to do much of anything (yes, even answer a simple question).

It's the same for weight loss. I started this year on a good note. I was going to the gym, logging everyday and eating healthier. I was starting to see some real progress. Then, life started to get busy. I stopped going to the gym, even going as far as cancelling my gym membership (best decision that I made this year I believe) and I started to fall off of the wagon. I was sneaking in a little too much "cheat food" then catching myself and eating healthier again. This was a steady process; on the wagon, off the wagon, on and off until I took a break from logging for a week.

I would log one or two meals, but never my largest meal. I was eating honey buns like they were the last food on earth and I gained about 4 pounds. That next week, I worked my butt off and lost 3 of those pounds and each week following I continued to either lose a pound or a few ounces.

Then, life became busy once again and I stopped logging all together and found that it was hard to pick back up. I haven't exercised like I want to (I would have been done with C25K by now if I had stuck it out) but no matter how busy my schedule gets, there are still 24 hours in a day.

I have been logging pretty regularly for the past week. Yes, I missed one day but MyFitnessPal lets you know how many days you have been logging and today I hit my 5th day. I plan on working out again in the near future, as soon as this rain (which I absolutely love) moves on to other areas.

I don't think I will ever fully recover from being burned out. While there are things that I can do to help this recovery process, I know that if I don't keep busy, I will start reverting to my old habits; which is never good.

Right now, I can only take it a day at a time and try my hardest to take a few minutes each day for myself to do something I enjoy. I also have to look at the fact that this is just college, I haven't even begun to experience burnout in the working world.