Tuesday, April 9, 2013
But, that picture is not what this post is about. This post is about judgments.
I don't know why, and I may be slightly paranoid, but I always feel that when I am among others (mainly in crowds) that they are judging me.
I am not sure what it is and I am probably over-thinking things, but it seems that there is always going to be someone who can't help but say something negative about you. For me, I used to (and still do) hate walking in front of a group of people alone. Not sure why that bothers me, especially since they are in their own little world and I am in mine. What makes it worse now is being on a weight loss journey and feeling the same way.
It's almost as if I have to go through a list of things in my head before I complete an action. I have to make sure the dreaded "muffin top" isn't jiggling when I walk. So you know what that means, suck it in and hope for the best. I hate wearing anything sleeveless because of the stretch marks on my arms and the fact that my arms jiggle if I move them too much. Sometimes I don't like to wear shorts because my thighs rub together and the shorts ride up in the middle. These are all things that I feel like I am being judged by society on.
Of course, if I work hard enough I can lose the muffin top and my thighs might shrink, but one thing I will never lose is the stretch marks, they will always be a part of me because they have made me who I am today. They have made me a person who hates to show of her arms because they are there, but also a person who realizes that they came from eating and gaining weight as well as watching what I eat and losing weight.
No matter how much weight I lose, I will always feel like people are judging me when they may in fact be minding their own business. For me it does directly correlate with my weight and the fact that being plus sized seems to be a negative thing in today's society, why I am not sure, but it really sets a negative image for young girls. That they can't be healthy and plus size because it's not what society wants.
I will always feel like I am being judged for being of a larger size and I probably am. Until someone actually judges me to my face, I will always wonder what kind of society judges people based on their outward appearances and what kind of society judges people at all.